A God Sighting at a Monastery
When God shows Himself up close and personal
This past week, I spent three days at St. Paisius Monastery in Safford, AZ, with two other women from my husband’s Greek Orthodox parish. The monastery is a women's monastery of the ROCOR (Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia). It is about a five-hour drive from our house in Prescott.
I knew I needed this spiritual downtime. I felt tired. I really desired a time to meet with God in a quiet place. When two friends agreed to go with me, we set off. The nuns at St. Paisius are the kindest and sweetest people. Even though I am not Eastern Orthodox, they treat me, the Oriental Orthodox, with the greatest respect. I had been there just for one night last June, but they remembered my visit and were happy I had returned. Outside of not being able to partake of the Eucharist (which, honestly, kills me 😩), I am treated just like any other pilgrim. It is refreshing after some not-so-wonderful encounters I had at another monastery.
When you are at the monastery, the expectation is that you take part in all prayers, starting at 5:30 am. Honestly, it made my heart happy. Since becoming Orthodox, I have an unrealized dream of being a nun. I even asked His Eminence Mor Philoxenus Mattias Nayis if I could be a nun at Dayro d’Mor Jakob should my husband suddenly die. He burst out laughing, and then he said, “May your husband live a long life, but yes." So there is hope. 😉 Just don’t tell my husband.
I had every intention of turning off my phone while there, or at least having as little outside interaction as possible, but I will admit that at the end of day one, I was checking my email. I was expecting an employment offer as a full-time assistant professor at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Prescott, where I had been an adjunct for the past year. I had sent a counteroffer to their initial offer, and I had been waiting. Nothing on Wednesday. Nothing on Thursday morning.
I resigned myself to what it was: frustratingly, nothing yet. I refocused myself on God by reading a small book I had found in our women's guest quarters after breakfast. We would have time before going to the block at 3:30 pm, which includes Ninth Hour, Vespers, Dinner, and Small Compline. The book had a number of scenarios of hardship in life, and God was saying to the person, “This was from me.” And yet it was always for that person's good. I found that thought intriguing.
About 30 minutes before we left for evening prayers, I checked my email, and there it was! A new offer letter in my inbox. Still not quite what I had asked, but better than where we started. I texted my husband and asked his thoughts. I texted my teacher daughter and asked her thoughts. Finally, I turned to my friend Jan and asked her what I should do. Her answer is what every Christian should be told frequently when they are too dumb or too excited to figure it out themselves: “Pray about it.”
Off to evening prayers we went. The sound in the church without any microphones makes it hard to hear the nuns’ and the priest’s prayers clearly. Since 60-70% was lost to my ears, I followed along as best I could, but my mind started drifting to the offer I had received just a few minutes before. Was this even the right step for us as a couple? Finally, I asked God: “Lord, what should I do? I need Your help.”
No sooner had I uttered this prayer than I heard a voice in my head: “I already gave you the answer this morning.” Now, let me tell you: I don’t usually hear voices in my head. But this was as clear as a bell. And again: “I already told you this morning.” What did that mean? I wasn’t quite sure. I went back to focusing on the prayers and the beautiful hymns the nuns were chanting.
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I suddenly remembered one of the last pages in the book. As soon as we were finished for the evening with prayers and dinner, I rushed back to our building and pulled out the book I had read from earlier in the day from the reading rack. Here is what it said:
Have you unexpectedly
been called to occupy a difficult and responsible position?
Go, relying on Me.
I entrust these difficulties to you, and for this, the Lord God will bless you in all your works, in all your paths; and in everything
your Guide and Teacher will be your Lord.On this day I put into your hands
a vessel of sanctified oil.
Use it freely, My child.
Every difficulty that arises,
every insulting word,
every false accusation and condemnation,
every impediment in your work
that might elicit a feeling of vexation
or disappointment,
every revelation
of your weakness and inability—
let it be anointed with this oil.This was from Me.
REMEMBER that every obstacle is a Divine lesson;
therefore, place in your heart
the words I have declared to you today:This was from Me.
KEEP these words.
Know and remember
—always, wherever you may be—
that every sting will be softened
when you learn to see Me
in everything.All has been sent by Me
for the perfecting of your soul.All of this was from Me.
WOW. I get goosebumps even retelling the story. God showed Himself in a mighty way by speaking to me in this moment of need in this beautiful place of rest and prayer.
What I haven’t said yet is that I've been struggling internally with whether I am taking on too much, since I am also teaching a class at St. John’s Theological Seminary in the fall. In addition, during one of my interviews for the role at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, it was hinted that not everyone thought I was the best candidate for the job, since my PhD is in a different field than some of the classes I will be teaching. So I was dealing with imposter syndrome in a major way on top of that.
But God.
He truly is an amazing reality in my life, and I pray that if you have not encountered Him in a way that makes you completely trust and rely on His provisions for your life, you will come and see.
P.S. I also haven’t told you yet that I had bought a small bottle of anointing oil the day before at the monastery's bookstore. I drew the sign of the cross with it on my forehead as I was typing this, remembering God showing up for me in a very powerful way in the most beautiful setting of a Vespers prayer.
God bless you precious friend!! Alleluia!! God is so good!! 🥰☦️
Beautiful! May God continue to lead you as you journey through this new position. And if it gives you a consolation, I, too, asked one of the nuns at the convent I attended a couple weeks ago if a widow could be consecrated. She knew I was asking for myself if that should ever be the case (May God grant my husband many years!)